You know how when your blood sugars are high it affects chemicals in the brain? You didn't? Oh--it does if you are low too, just so you know.

I have been battling high blood sugars just because I want to eat all the time but I don't want to check my blood or take insulin. I have been battling the urge to sleep all day long.

This is bad because I homeschool and I have my kids at home all day. So glad for TV on those days I feel like I did today and the last couple of days. Usually we never turn the darn thing on because of the time waster it is. Then there are the high days and the low days and the brain roller-coaster rides that ensue.

When I am high I just want to sleep. Not that I am particularly tired or anything, I just am so sleepy and depressed. Nothing feels better than passing into oblivion of sleep to get away from life for awhile.

But you can only sleep for so long you say...I know that and therefore I wake up to my daughter answering the phone and screening the call for me from one of my friends who has diabetes. Actually she is the only friend I have a phone number for and who has my phone number that has diabetes. I was glad she called and mad my daughter had screened the call instead of finding out who it was and then checking with me to see if I wanted to talk. My BG was 329.

I took insulin and called her back and got the good news. She got her pump and is training....great. I am still depressed. I haven't cooked for days, cleaned the kitchen ( I can't cook until the kitchen is clean) so the vicious cycle goes on and on and on.....

I just want things to happen--good things, great things, life changeing things.

I also know they won't unless I get off my butt and do something about them--take care of business today to enjoy the harvest tomorrow.

The harvest of realizing that I have taken care of myself all these years so I don't have to deal with my greatest fears: Losing limbs, sensations in my fingers and toes, kidney function which causes a loss of time due to dialysis.

I wish I had a forum to discuss my low--depression--just get it out of my head so I think of solutions to my problems instead of wallow in the downer thoughts. I guess I have this forum, is anyone even listening? OR do I actually have to hear the sound of my voice screaming out the words and putting them on the canvas of the world for all to see?

And still time marches on and I have to take care of my greatest assets. They need to be put to bed.