when i was first diagnosed I was dismayed to realize I had to think about food all the time. I had never thought about what I was going to eat from one minute to the next and now it had to be my life...I hated that part--the other part that was hard was as I got older I realized that I had to cook or eat raw most of the food that I eat because my body is so sensitive to HFC's, Soy, corn syrup, preservatives etc that I can't eat any of that stuff...HFC's mean blood sugars that won't come down ---preservatives and soy turn my gut into a war zone and I haven't ever been able to drink soda and when I did the war zone was multiplied by 10...I don't have anything else but Diabetes---no gluten intolerance but when I eat white flour my blood sugars rise so fast I have a hard time bringing them into normal ranges without bottoming out.
When I got married, my husbands parents gave us some Diabetic cookbooks...Month of Meals...some of you may be familiar with them. I didn't cook out of them for a very long time.--I didn't know how to cook. I didn't start really cooking until we had been married for 6 months. My husband had been cooking a lot and when he told me I would have to cook, I said: how? His response was: you can follow a recipe can't you? I hadn't ever tried except making chocolate Chip cookies when I was ten...too much salt--ruined the whole batter....nuf said.
So I started cooking and learning. After I had cooked for a few years I tried making bread...many times I would try and fail. I had a friend that I worked with who brought a couple of loaves his wife had made. The bread was really good...still made with processed flour. I tried for a few years to add a little whole wheat with mixed results.
Then I was reading about flax...Did you know it can slow down absorption of glucose in the body from wheat? The ratio is 3:1 for fat added to a recipe.
Of course I had to try it and put it in some chocolate chip cookies that I made. I ate a couple of cookies and took the insulin I would need and within 20 mins was low.
I really hate going low...
Jun 13, 2012
May 5, 2012
Blessings Continued....
When I got home, my children were still up and I gave them the things they needed and they went to bed after our routine. I in the meantime tried to call my husband and finally got him on the phone and we decided to make an appointment to go to the chiropractor first thing in the morning.
I applied some Essential Oils to my back to dull the pain and when my husband got home from work he helped me apply some more for good measure. After the application, the pain was gone but since I was hurting so much before the oils, I knew it was bad. I talked to my husband about broken bones and he said if it were broken I wouldn't even be able to walk and reassured me it was probably just bruised.
I slept, surprisingly well, especially since I don't move at all when I am sleeping and wake up in the same position I fall asleep in. When I woke up, I didn't feel any pain because I wasn't moving. What I did feel was the full bladder sensation (so glad I can still feel that right?). This is a normal thing, it happens every morning without fail.
The PAIN came when I started to move to get out of bed. Suddenly I recalled the night before and the trip to the bathroom seemed enormous. Not only did I have to get out of a bed that is 4 feet off the floor; that is a good thing, really, but I also had to climb 25 stairs to get to the main floor of my home. No I don't want to talk about it, except it was really slow and painful. It wasn't slow because of the pain, just the pressure on my bladder.
At this point I was grateful for some of my other "blessings" of having the body I have cuz my bladder was trained just for a time like this, when I would have to empty it but wouldn't be able to right away.
I started dry-heaving because I was so nauseated from the pain and I had to remind myself to breathe several times.
My husband had called his chiropractor, and we had an early appointment. He helped me find some clothes and then left me to get dressed and help the kids get going on their day. Looking back at that now, I wish I had asked him to help me because I woke up on the floor screaming from the pain.
We went to the doctor and I won't bore you with the details of getting there etc.
Now I am getting to the really cool part about having diabetes and taking care of my body and healthy eating: When the Dr. took the Xray of my back, he showed where the back was out and also pointed out how there wasn't a break, crack or anything of that nature on my spinal column. He also commented how dense the bone tissue looked and how beautiful the xray was. I asked him what he meant and he said for my age, my bones looked beautiful.
What is so cool about this is since I have diabetes, I have been more concerned about what I put in my mouth than before I was diagnosed. I have focused mainly on blood sugars and eating healthy foods. Recently I had started transitioning to whole foods almost entirely to include whole grains, raw and fresh fruits and vegetables and very little processed foods.
I avoid foods that contain ingredients that I can't pronounce or don't know the reason for them being in the food. As I have gotten more information about healthy eating, I have worked on implementing it in my eating habits. I had in the past 6 months begun phasing out products containing soy, high fructose corn syrup, and corn.
I have also been avoiding drinking anything other than water and the occasional fruit smoothie.
I had learned a month prior to this injury, the effect of drinking soda on your bones and I had mentally patted myself on the back multiple times for avoiding drinking it for the last 30 odd years as it has always made my stomach upset after drinking it.
I applied some Essential Oils to my back to dull the pain and when my husband got home from work he helped me apply some more for good measure. After the application, the pain was gone but since I was hurting so much before the oils, I knew it was bad. I talked to my husband about broken bones and he said if it were broken I wouldn't even be able to walk and reassured me it was probably just bruised.
I slept, surprisingly well, especially since I don't move at all when I am sleeping and wake up in the same position I fall asleep in. When I woke up, I didn't feel any pain because I wasn't moving. What I did feel was the full bladder sensation (so glad I can still feel that right?). This is a normal thing, it happens every morning without fail.
The PAIN came when I started to move to get out of bed. Suddenly I recalled the night before and the trip to the bathroom seemed enormous. Not only did I have to get out of a bed that is 4 feet off the floor; that is a good thing, really, but I also had to climb 25 stairs to get to the main floor of my home. No I don't want to talk about it, except it was really slow and painful. It wasn't slow because of the pain, just the pressure on my bladder.
At this point I was grateful for some of my other "blessings" of having the body I have cuz my bladder was trained just for a time like this, when I would have to empty it but wouldn't be able to right away.
I started dry-heaving because I was so nauseated from the pain and I had to remind myself to breathe several times.
My husband had called his chiropractor, and we had an early appointment. He helped me find some clothes and then left me to get dressed and help the kids get going on their day. Looking back at that now, I wish I had asked him to help me because I woke up on the floor screaming from the pain.
We went to the doctor and I won't bore you with the details of getting there etc.
Now I am getting to the really cool part about having diabetes and taking care of my body and healthy eating: When the Dr. took the Xray of my back, he showed where the back was out and also pointed out how there wasn't a break, crack or anything of that nature on my spinal column. He also commented how dense the bone tissue looked and how beautiful the xray was. I asked him what he meant and he said for my age, my bones looked beautiful.
What is so cool about this is since I have diabetes, I have been more concerned about what I put in my mouth than before I was diagnosed. I have focused mainly on blood sugars and eating healthy foods. Recently I had started transitioning to whole foods almost entirely to include whole grains, raw and fresh fruits and vegetables and very little processed foods.
I avoid foods that contain ingredients that I can't pronounce or don't know the reason for them being in the food. As I have gotten more information about healthy eating, I have worked on implementing it in my eating habits. I had in the past 6 months begun phasing out products containing soy, high fructose corn syrup, and corn.
I have also been avoiding drinking anything other than water and the occasional fruit smoothie.
I had learned a month prior to this injury, the effect of drinking soda on your bones and I had mentally patted myself on the back multiple times for avoiding drinking it for the last 30 odd years as it has always made my stomach upset after drinking it.
May 4, 2012
A Blessing of having Diabetes
I have a blessing that I can say right now is the result of having diabetes and taking care of my body. A couple of weeks ago, just before the weekend, I made a few bad choices that day and ended up getting an injury of my lower spine.---OK: the story is: I left my keys in my husbands vehicle, my bike wasn't rideable and I wasn't about to call a neighbor to help me. I chose to rollerblade and since I grew up rollerblading and rollerskating, I thought it was a little like riding a bike....you never forget how to do it. Right?
Wrong....I turned from my road going to the main road and there is a little steepness to the road. I started putting on speed and tried to slow down. Not being used to the feel of the rollerblades, I didn't slow down but slid the wheels right out from under me.
I honestly haven't rollerbladed since I was teenager, and a young teenager at that. I don't remember the wheels being so smooth and "slippery". That was to my detriment because the end result was I kinda did that oh no, there go my feet...kind of action and before I knew it I was on my back on the road. I was so glad I wasn't riding them in the middle of the road...
When I came down I landed straight on my lower lumbar spine just above the sitting muscles and the tailbone. I estimate I was going about 10-15 miles per hour and weighing in at 155 lbs. the impact was quite heavy. I don't know the math but I would love to know the force of the impact.
I remember just feeling PAIN and panic. Oh no: I broke something, Ouch, Ouch , Ouch--you can substitute some swear words in there...a few bombs passed my lips...and I just laid there in agony trying to figure out how I was going to be able to solve this problem.
As it turned out, a neighbor was out checking the lights on their home and saw the accident and came over to me and asked me if I was ok and all I could do was cry because it hurt so much. She asked me if I could move and I moaned no, please just let me be--
I was finally able to roll over onto my side and sit up but the pain was excruciating. The neighbor helped me up and offered to give me a ride home, because I was having a hard time walking. I accepted and then asked her if she would help me run my errand, which she did and then dropped me home. I thanked her and went into my home. (She was a lifesaver and I will be forever grateful that she listened to that nudge to just check her lights one last time.) THANK YOU J'AMAIS.
Check back tomorrow for more of the story.
Wrong....I turned from my road going to the main road and there is a little steepness to the road. I started putting on speed and tried to slow down. Not being used to the feel of the rollerblades, I didn't slow down but slid the wheels right out from under me.
I honestly haven't rollerbladed since I was teenager, and a young teenager at that. I don't remember the wheels being so smooth and "slippery". That was to my detriment because the end result was I kinda did that oh no, there go my feet...kind of action and before I knew it I was on my back on the road. I was so glad I wasn't riding them in the middle of the road...
When I came down I landed straight on my lower lumbar spine just above the sitting muscles and the tailbone. I estimate I was going about 10-15 miles per hour and weighing in at 155 lbs. the impact was quite heavy. I don't know the math but I would love to know the force of the impact.
I remember just feeling PAIN and panic. Oh no: I broke something, Ouch, Ouch , Ouch--you can substitute some swear words in there...a few bombs passed my lips...and I just laid there in agony trying to figure out how I was going to be able to solve this problem.
As it turned out, a neighbor was out checking the lights on their home and saw the accident and came over to me and asked me if I was ok and all I could do was cry because it hurt so much. She asked me if I could move and I moaned no, please just let me be--
I was finally able to roll over onto my side and sit up but the pain was excruciating. The neighbor helped me up and offered to give me a ride home, because I was having a hard time walking. I accepted and then asked her if she would help me run my errand, which she did and then dropped me home. I thanked her and went into my home. (She was a lifesaver and I will be forever grateful that she listened to that nudge to just check her lights one last time.) THANK YOU J'AMAIS.
Check back tomorrow for more of the story.
May 3, 2012
Neuropathy and a Hint of Blessings
Yep--I have been kinda busy--I don't have a habit of posting--I don't even think about it. The last three sentences make me think about that line in the Princess Diaries where she says: and just look at all the times I use the word I....
I woke up this morning with a pinched nerve in my lower back that made my legs feel like they were just waking up from a long sleep...It scared me--I thought--oh no--neuropathy! Crap!
A visit to the Chiropractor helped get the bone off of the nerve and I have had lingering numbness all day. I am going to my neck doctor tomorrow to complete the move because my upper spine is out too...I hope this takes care of the problem.
It made me think about how having neuropathy would seriously mess up someone's quality of life. If you can't feel your feet or the condition of your skin on your toes or you nails, how will you know when there is a problem? Would your feet die? --
Even worse--if your blood sugars are not controlled enough to cause end stage neuropathy, they are also bad enough to cause nephropathy (kidney damage)--I don't know the -opathy word for liver damage...
I have thought about what having diabetes actually means in a real sense for an extended lifetime, if you live that long. The negative thinking way to see this is: a disease where your body dies one body part at a time and it's just a matter of time.
The positive way to look at it is: I am not Diabetes and I can overcome it--I can choose my actions and my responses to the things happening in my life and I can be proactive in taking care of my blood sugars and doing something about them immediately. I am smarter than diabetes.
I tend to be positive--but I have had periods in the time I have had diabetes that I have been very negative about it; yes it has blessed me in my life, but.....That is what I sometimes--well maybe--a lot more than sometimes...think. Tomorrow I will tell you about a blessing I experienced a couple of weeks ago that was a direct result of how I have taken care of my body because I have diabetes.
I woke up this morning with a pinched nerve in my lower back that made my legs feel like they were just waking up from a long sleep...It scared me--I thought--oh no--neuropathy! Crap!
A visit to the Chiropractor helped get the bone off of the nerve and I have had lingering numbness all day. I am going to my neck doctor tomorrow to complete the move because my upper spine is out too...I hope this takes care of the problem.
It made me think about how having neuropathy would seriously mess up someone's quality of life. If you can't feel your feet or the condition of your skin on your toes or you nails, how will you know when there is a problem? Would your feet die? --
Even worse--if your blood sugars are not controlled enough to cause end stage neuropathy, they are also bad enough to cause nephropathy (kidney damage)--I don't know the -opathy word for liver damage...
I have thought about what having diabetes actually means in a real sense for an extended lifetime, if you live that long. The negative thinking way to see this is: a disease where your body dies one body part at a time and it's just a matter of time.
The positive way to look at it is: I am not Diabetes and I can overcome it--I can choose my actions and my responses to the things happening in my life and I can be proactive in taking care of my blood sugars and doing something about them immediately. I am smarter than diabetes.
I tend to be positive--but I have had periods in the time I have had diabetes that I have been very negative about it; yes it has blessed me in my life, but.....That is what I sometimes--well maybe--a lot more than sometimes...think. Tomorrow I will tell you about a blessing I experienced a couple of weeks ago that was a direct result of how I have taken care of my body because I have diabetes.
Apr 2, 2011
Where did I go? And what have I been doing all this time?
Hi everyone:
I just thought I would start over and introduce myself because I have been gone for over a year and haven't written anything.
What do you say to someone you haven't seen in more than a year? Hi? How have things been? What's new in your life? Those are really great questions and how would you answer them?
Well: here goes:
Hi to you too. Things have been pretty crazy. I have been getting going on my sensor, my husband and I started a new business investing in Real Estate last October and I just signed on to be a product consultant at Doterra. I even got a website for interested people. It is doterragift dot com.
Personally, I am loving life right now and hating the diabetes end of it, but since I get to deal with it a while longer I decided to put the best spin that I can on it. I am having more success than ever before controlling my blood sugars.
I have found out that I am intolerant to : Wheat, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, and Thanksgiving Turkey. What this means is: Wheat makes me skyrocket on my bloodsugars as do all the other ingredients I listed.
gotta go now but I will be seeing you later. Catch a Hug.
I just thought I would start over and introduce myself because I have been gone for over a year and haven't written anything.
What do you say to someone you haven't seen in more than a year? Hi? How have things been? What's new in your life? Those are really great questions and how would you answer them?
Well: here goes:
Hi to you too. Things have been pretty crazy. I have been getting going on my sensor, my husband and I started a new business investing in Real Estate last October and I just signed on to be a product consultant at Doterra. I even got a website for interested people. It is doterragift dot com.
Personally, I am loving life right now and hating the diabetes end of it, but since I get to deal with it a while longer I decided to put the best spin that I can on it. I am having more success than ever before controlling my blood sugars.
I have found out that I am intolerant to : Wheat, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, and Thanksgiving Turkey. What this means is: Wheat makes me skyrocket on my bloodsugars as do all the other ingredients I listed.
gotta go now but I will be seeing you later. Catch a Hug.
Oct 14, 2009
Trends
I just love Running. Have I mentioned that before? Well now I have.
I am not fast and I cannot at this point run a full 3 miles straight. I don't expect that I ever will because that is not my goal.
The reason why I love running among other things like runner's high, great legs, better breathing capacity, etc, is my blood glucose control is EXCEPTIONAL when I run. Not just good, not great--EXCEPTIONAL.
Here is an example:
This morning I woke (rest day for me so no running) and my BG was 73--I thought I would wake up high because I checked last night before going to bed and my BG was 138 and I didn't do anything about it--usually I will give a 50% normal dose of insulin for something like this because I am going to sleep and I don't want to wake up low in the middle of the night. Now that will really bring out the bear.
My fasting blood sugars have been awesome since I started running again a couple of weeks ago; not one or two but every single one is great!
I wake up between 70-90 every day. Not to toot my own horn or anything, I am just trying to share my happiness...
I am not fast and I cannot at this point run a full 3 miles straight. I don't expect that I ever will because that is not my goal.
The reason why I love running among other things like runner's high, great legs, better breathing capacity, etc, is my blood glucose control is EXCEPTIONAL when I run. Not just good, not great--EXCEPTIONAL.
Here is an example:
This morning I woke (rest day for me so no running) and my BG was 73--I thought I would wake up high because I checked last night before going to bed and my BG was 138 and I didn't do anything about it--usually I will give a 50% normal dose of insulin for something like this because I am going to sleep and I don't want to wake up low in the middle of the night. Now that will really bring out the bear.
My fasting blood sugars have been awesome since I started running again a couple of weeks ago; not one or two but every single one is great!
I wake up between 70-90 every day. Not to toot my own horn or anything, I am just trying to share my happiness...
Happiness vs. Unhappiness
So let's talk about being happy for just a second. Am I happy about having Diabetes? Am I happy about all the work that goes into taking care of myself? Am I happy when I do a great job and my body responds the way I expect it to?
You could probably guess the answers to all of those questions--just by putting yourself in my shoes.
Now I am going to share a quote I just read for the second time from a book I am reading to my kids. They love Arthur and the Invisibles. We have never seen the movie but Luc Besson is a good writer for kids. The words are not too easy and the storyline is exceptional; especially when reading it out loud to your kids. The more emphasis you add the better they sit on the edge of their seats and gobble it up. I am not kidding and I mean all ages.
So I read the book first to make sure it was going to be ok for the kids if I read it to them and in the second book there is a page where the author is making a statement about life. It is in Chapter 8 of "Arthur and The Forbidden City". My book says: page 295 but yours may be different: I have both books combined.
The quote is this, think about it and then answer the questions above while you are in my shoes.
Both time I read this quote and was hit by a thunderbolt in the chest. Its very powerful the force of this quote.
Did you come up with different answers? I sure did when I applied that quote. I have a choice whether to choose unhappiness or happiness in my life and no matter what I choose, I attract that to my life.
So even though I don't love having Diabetes, I recognize the little happinesses it has brought into my life and has given me a measure for how great my life really is; and I have to say for myself: I have a great life in spite of the trial of having Diabetes and I can always find happiness in everything I experience and do.
Now Go Choose Your Consequences!
Chrystal
You could probably guess the answers to all of those questions--just by putting yourself in my shoes.
Now I am going to share a quote I just read for the second time from a book I am reading to my kids. They love Arthur and the Invisibles. We have never seen the movie but Luc Besson is a good writer for kids. The words are not too easy and the storyline is exceptional; especially when reading it out loud to your kids. The more emphasis you add the better they sit on the edge of their seats and gobble it up. I am not kidding and I mean all ages.
So I read the book first to make sure it was going to be ok for the kids if I read it to them and in the second book there is a page where the author is making a statement about life. It is in Chapter 8 of "Arthur and The Forbidden City". My book says: page 295 but yours may be different: I have both books combined.
The quote is this, think about it and then answer the questions above while you are in my shoes.
"It is often only when we are experiencing unhappiness that we realize how valuable little day-to-day things really are: a great stretch upon waking, a ray of sunlight on your face, someone you love smiling at you. IT'S AS IF UNHAPPINESS IS SIMPLY A WAY TO MEASURE HAPPINESS"
Both time I read this quote and was hit by a thunderbolt in the chest. Its very powerful the force of this quote.
Did you come up with different answers? I sure did when I applied that quote. I have a choice whether to choose unhappiness or happiness in my life and no matter what I choose, I attract that to my life.
So even though I don't love having Diabetes, I recognize the little happinesses it has brought into my life and has given me a measure for how great my life really is; and I have to say for myself: I have a great life in spite of the trial of having Diabetes and I can always find happiness in everything I experience and do.
Now Go Choose Your Consequences!
Chrystal
Oct 12, 2009
Running is GOOD for you so they say
Today I ran almost 5 miles in about an hour. That doesn't sound very fast and it really isn't by running standards but I am just ecstatic about the fact that I actually got up before the sun and ran--I even got home before the sun came up and that was really fun to do...
I thought I was going 7 miles today but then again I guess I can do that tomorrow but the whole reason I am writing this post is to say: my basal rate is right on during this time of the day.
So here is my example:
I woke up and my blood sugar was: 93--great for a fasting if I say so myself.
I went running and came back 1 hour later--I have been sweating and working my body not on flats but hills: up and down so I really worked.--anyway
my post exercise blood sugar was: 90---Yay! if I say so myself--of course I had to eat and drink water which I am due for again--brb--ok so I ate some green beans and a homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread--which I made last week--gotta make more of that--so good. and I forgot to take insulin for the sandwich -- which I shouldn't have done but I wasn't really thinking about: oh I need to take insulin--I was thinking: oh I need to eat something with protein to recover from that run...and I forgot my insulin
so when I checked about an hour later--maybe it was more my blood sugar was: 237--oops go take insulin---roller coaster notwithstanding--I liked my run so much I want to go do it again and it's a good thing as the Halloween Half is less than 3 weeks away---so my focus the next 3 weeks is rest and run, rest and run, rest and run--oh and check my blood sugars...don't forget that -- and take insulin--especially when eating-=-really don't forget that. :)
I thought I was going 7 miles today but then again I guess I can do that tomorrow but the whole reason I am writing this post is to say: my basal rate is right on during this time of the day.
So here is my example:
I woke up and my blood sugar was: 93--great for a fasting if I say so myself.
I went running and came back 1 hour later--I have been sweating and working my body not on flats but hills: up and down so I really worked.--anyway
my post exercise blood sugar was: 90---Yay! if I say so myself--of course I had to eat and drink water which I am due for again--brb--ok so I ate some green beans and a homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread--which I made last week--gotta make more of that--so good. and I forgot to take insulin for the sandwich -- which I shouldn't have done but I wasn't really thinking about: oh I need to take insulin--I was thinking: oh I need to eat something with protein to recover from that run...and I forgot my insulin
so when I checked about an hour later--maybe it was more my blood sugar was: 237--oops go take insulin---roller coaster notwithstanding--I liked my run so much I want to go do it again and it's a good thing as the Halloween Half is less than 3 weeks away---so my focus the next 3 weeks is rest and run, rest and run, rest and run--oh and check my blood sugars...don't forget that -- and take insulin--especially when eating-=-really don't forget that. :)
Oct 9, 2009
CGMS--Finally!
So last year I was getting a sensor and then the whole insurance company debacle and not being able to afford it---go back and read if you must.
We have pooled our money together and have decided that we are getting it--Today! I just have to do the following things:
1. Get a copy of the letter or medical necessity from the doctor for the IRS. Because they won't allow me to use FSA funds without that OH and
2. get a copy of the prescription from my doctor to back ourselves up to the IRS to spend our money for our medical bills (that is so depressing--but I don't want to get into any political or government biases in this blog)
3. Oh and let me not forget: get a copy of the receipt to avoid allegations of fraud...using FSA money for purposes other than medical necessities...
--BUT----
YAY: I get a sensor, I get a sensor, and need I say it one more time? I get a sensor!!!! Steph we can be new sensor buddies!!! YAY!
We have pooled our money together and have decided that we are getting it--Today! I just have to do the following things:
1. Get a copy of the letter or medical necessity from the doctor for the IRS. Because they won't allow me to use FSA funds without that OH and
2. get a copy of the prescription from my doctor to back ourselves up to the IRS to spend our money for our medical bills (that is so depressing--but I don't want to get into any political or government biases in this blog)
3. Oh and let me not forget: get a copy of the receipt to avoid allegations of fraud...using FSA money for purposes other than medical necessities...
--BUT----
YAY: I get a sensor, I get a sensor, and need I say it one more time? I get a sensor!!!! Steph we can be new sensor buddies!!! YAY!
Oct 8, 2009
The Climb
Friends are great! I made a new friend just this last week who has her own challenges and she posted this song on her website to inspire those who are struggling along with her. If you want to check her out, here she is and you can listen to the song on hers or just stay here and listen on mine.
I think this song represents what is great about life and the battle we all face every day! I am glad I am alive, even with Diabetes and even if all of my worst fears come true. I am posting the words to the song too. I think the impact is greater!
Thanks for reading my friends!
THE CLIMB
I think this song represents what is great about life and the battle we all face every day! I am glad I am alive, even with Diabetes and even if all of my worst fears come true. I am posting the words to the song too. I think the impact is greater!
Thanks for reading my friends!
THE CLIMB
I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head
that says you’ll never reach it.
Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaken but
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
Chorus
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get here
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb.
The struggles I’m facein’
The chances I’m taken
Sometimes they knock me down
But no I’m not breakin’
I may not know it
but these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most – yeah
Just gotta keep goin’ and
I gotta be strong, just keep pushing on
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get here
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb.
Oct 7, 2009
You know how when your blood sugars are high it affects chemicals in the brain? You didn't? Oh--it does if you are low too, just so you know.
I have been battling high blood sugars just because I want to eat all the time but I don't want to check my blood or take insulin. I have been battling the urge to sleep all day long.
This is bad because I homeschool and I have my kids at home all day. So glad for TV on those days I feel like I did today and the last couple of days. Usually we never turn the darn thing on because of the time waster it is. Then there are the high days and the low days and the brain roller-coaster rides that ensue.
When I am high I just want to sleep. Not that I am particularly tired or anything, I just am so sleepy and depressed. Nothing feels better than passing into oblivion of sleep to get away from life for awhile.
But you can only sleep for so long you say...I know that and therefore I wake up to my daughter answering the phone and screening the call for me from one of my friends who has diabetes. Actually she is the only friend I have a phone number for and who has my phone number that has diabetes. I was glad she called and mad my daughter had screened the call instead of finding out who it was and then checking with me to see if I wanted to talk. My BG was 329.
I took insulin and called her back and got the good news. She got her pump and is training....great. I am still depressed. I haven't cooked for days, cleaned the kitchen ( I can't cook until the kitchen is clean) so the vicious cycle goes on and on and on.....
I just want things to happen--good things, great things, life changeing things.
I also know they won't unless I get off my butt and do something about them--take care of business today to enjoy the harvest tomorrow.
The harvest of realizing that I have taken care of myself all these years so I don't have to deal with my greatest fears: Losing limbs, sensations in my fingers and toes, kidney function which causes a loss of time due to dialysis.
I wish I had a forum to discuss my low--depression--just get it out of my head so I think of solutions to my problems instead of wallow in the downer thoughts. I guess I have this forum, is anyone even listening? OR do I actually have to hear the sound of my voice screaming out the words and putting them on the canvas of the world for all to see?
And still time marches on and I have to take care of my greatest assets. They need to be put to bed.
I have been battling high blood sugars just because I want to eat all the time but I don't want to check my blood or take insulin. I have been battling the urge to sleep all day long.
This is bad because I homeschool and I have my kids at home all day. So glad for TV on those days I feel like I did today and the last couple of days. Usually we never turn the darn thing on because of the time waster it is. Then there are the high days and the low days and the brain roller-coaster rides that ensue.
When I am high I just want to sleep. Not that I am particularly tired or anything, I just am so sleepy and depressed. Nothing feels better than passing into oblivion of sleep to get away from life for awhile.
But you can only sleep for so long you say...I know that and therefore I wake up to my daughter answering the phone and screening the call for me from one of my friends who has diabetes. Actually she is the only friend I have a phone number for and who has my phone number that has diabetes. I was glad she called and mad my daughter had screened the call instead of finding out who it was and then checking with me to see if I wanted to talk. My BG was 329.
I took insulin and called her back and got the good news. She got her pump and is training....great. I am still depressed. I haven't cooked for days, cleaned the kitchen ( I can't cook until the kitchen is clean) so the vicious cycle goes on and on and on.....
I just want things to happen--good things, great things, life changeing things.
I also know they won't unless I get off my butt and do something about them--take care of business today to enjoy the harvest tomorrow.
The harvest of realizing that I have taken care of myself all these years so I don't have to deal with my greatest fears: Losing limbs, sensations in my fingers and toes, kidney function which causes a loss of time due to dialysis.
I wish I had a forum to discuss my low--depression--just get it out of my head so I think of solutions to my problems instead of wallow in the downer thoughts. I guess I have this forum, is anyone even listening? OR do I actually have to hear the sound of my voice screaming out the words and putting them on the canvas of the world for all to see?
And still time marches on and I have to take care of my greatest assets. They need to be put to bed.
Oct 3, 2009
Halloween Half Marathon
So I have been talking to one of my running friends about a 1/2 marathon she is considering entering and she invited me. Me who has not run more than 2.5 miles at a time since the Ragnar in June.
Can I be ready by then? I have some issues and I hope I can work through them and pound them down into something manageable on race day. It is in less than 1 month and it is 13.1 miles.
Well I never did anything if I didn't do it really big and really really hard.--I always start with the hardest to do first (that I think I can manage). Then during the preparation I kick at the sticks because I was stupid enough to do that ...
Well there is nothing to complain about now; no stupidity that cannot be remedied with a little walk-run-walking and hopefully they don't close the coarse before I cross the finish line because I refuse to be carried off the course.
There is definitely nothing more motivating than challenging myself to something that is doubtful that I can actually do but it just elevates my spirit to proclaim: " Yes I can! " and I will prove it. So come see me prove it: Halloween Half Marathon. I will be there, will you?
Come cheer me on and take pictures so I can post them here and you can see me in all my misery and triumph when I cross the finish line running!!!
Can I be ready by then? I have some issues and I hope I can work through them and pound them down into something manageable on race day. It is in less than 1 month and it is 13.1 miles.
Well I never did anything if I didn't do it really big and really really hard.--I always start with the hardest to do first (that I think I can manage). Then during the preparation I kick at the sticks because I was stupid enough to do that ...
Well there is nothing to complain about now; no stupidity that cannot be remedied with a little walk-run-walking and hopefully they don't close the coarse before I cross the finish line because I refuse to be carried off the course.
There is definitely nothing more motivating than challenging myself to something that is doubtful that I can actually do but it just elevates my spirit to proclaim: " Yes I can! " and I will prove it. So come see me prove it: Halloween Half Marathon. I will be there, will you?
Come cheer me on and take pictures so I can post them here and you can see me in all my misery and triumph when I cross the finish line running!!!
Sep 26, 2009
30 Things about my Invisible Illness you probably didn't know
So I found some other diabetes blogs in cyberspace and one I found is about a person who was diagnosed at 6 years old and has had it for 23 years. She is very active in the blogging world with her diabetes writing and I would like to be like her someday.
Her name is Kerri Morrone and she wrote a list of 30 things about type 1 Diabetes and how it affects her that I was very impressed with. I decided to copy her questions and post my own list; so here is the list I made my own, without further ado...
1. The illness I live with is: type 1 diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: October 1993
3. But I had symptoms since: September 1993
4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: adjusting to the changing demands of a disease that doesn't sit still for even a second.
5. Most people assume: That I am really strong and able to withstand some of the devastation of this disease. It is not who I am but I battle the depression of no cure every day and the loss of focus from low blood sugars all the time as you can't really grow brain cells back...
6. The hardest part about mornings are: waking up and functioning when my Blood sugars are below 70 and realizing this will never end until I make my final exit
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I don't have time to watch TV and I would rather blog and read books
8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: my glucose meter I could live without my pump but then I would have to take my shots undercover when having dinner with friends.
9. The hardest part about nights are: I can't sleep without reading and I can't stop long enough to fall asleep--a reaction to the lows from diabetes--that also probably explains the ADHD--it doesn't really show unless I am around children who are more ADD than me
10. Each day I take 2 pills & vitamins: Actually I don't take pills except vitamin D and for pain but the insulin thing is 24/7
11. Regarding alternative treatments: I will never be able to go off insulin entirely but exercise and diet does help with controlling my blood sugars so I don't have to take as much insulin--if I choose to live by the diet which is hard when noone else is. I have heard about Cell Restoration therapy but the cost is prohibitive and it's not really effective as a cure
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: These choices suck. I'd rather not have any illness, thank you very much.(I copied that as it reflects my sentiments exactly)
13. Regarding working and career: I'm a SAHM when I am not playing and homeschooling and running--but I don't get paid but I would like to....
14. People would be surprised to know: that it's not as easy as we make it look. Sometimes it hurts in every way.--Can you say mood swings?
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: that I want to go back to the old reality where I could eat whatever I want, I had the energy to do what I wanted to do and I was actually out there doing it all the time. There is an up side to this list and I will address it on my next blog post.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Have children and I am lucky to have the ones I do--My doctors said that if I tried for a fourth child: my husband might have to make the decision between me and the baby and they might lose both. We decided to be satisfied with 3 but really wanted 5--
17. The commercials about my illness: are never about MY illness. They are always about type 2 diabetes.--we just kinda get swept under the rug.--but I don't watch TV so I don't really pay attention...
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: eating without having the check and take insulin. Not have to respond to alarms all the time
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Snickers bars but that was inevitable if I want to keep my trim waistline anyway so I guess I don't miss giving that up...
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: ...Sewing, Cooking, running--well I was actually running when I was diagnosed but I haven't run in 15 years so I have taken it up again.--I cook because I need all natural food as artificial throws my glucose levels out of control.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I actually feel normal when I don't have to check -- although there is that insecurity that is linked with high or low blood sugars that I probably wouldn't have to deal with if I didn't have diabetes.
22. My illness has taught me: that I am not alone and that I can do anything I put my mind to--It has also taught me that I can't give up as long as I live--it hasn't beaten me yet even if I want to give up sometimes.
23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: Do you want some Celery or something like that when I am having a low blood sugar episode--it clues me in to how I haven't helped them find the right information about how to help me treat my blood sugars and I need to improve.
24. But I love it when people: still accept me and treat me like a normal person and thank me for the information I provide.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" the other one is: When life gets too hard to stand
KNEEL
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: that they aren't alone. And they'll be okay if they take care of it and get some support from friends and loved ones.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that I can live a normal life outside of taking care of my diabetes
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: visit and cheer me up
29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I am actually not involved with this because I just found out about it
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: ...like you might understand me a little better and not judge me harshly when I fall since everyone does....
Her name is Kerri Morrone and she wrote a list of 30 things about type 1 Diabetes and how it affects her that I was very impressed with. I decided to copy her questions and post my own list; so here is the list I made my own, without further ado...
1. The illness I live with is: type 1 diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: October 1993
3. But I had symptoms since: September 1993
4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: adjusting to the changing demands of a disease that doesn't sit still for even a second.
5. Most people assume: That I am really strong and able to withstand some of the devastation of this disease. It is not who I am but I battle the depression of no cure every day and the loss of focus from low blood sugars all the time as you can't really grow brain cells back...
6. The hardest part about mornings are: waking up and functioning when my Blood sugars are below 70 and realizing this will never end until I make my final exit
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I don't have time to watch TV and I would rather blog and read books
8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: my glucose meter I could live without my pump but then I would have to take my shots undercover when having dinner with friends.
9. The hardest part about nights are: I can't sleep without reading and I can't stop long enough to fall asleep--a reaction to the lows from diabetes--that also probably explains the ADHD--it doesn't really show unless I am around children who are more ADD than me
10. Each day I take 2 pills & vitamins: Actually I don't take pills except vitamin D and for pain but the insulin thing is 24/7
11. Regarding alternative treatments: I will never be able to go off insulin entirely but exercise and diet does help with controlling my blood sugars so I don't have to take as much insulin--if I choose to live by the diet which is hard when noone else is. I have heard about Cell Restoration therapy but the cost is prohibitive and it's not really effective as a cure
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: These choices suck. I'd rather not have any illness, thank you very much.(I copied that as it reflects my sentiments exactly)
13. Regarding working and career: I'm a SAHM when I am not playing and homeschooling and running--but I don't get paid but I would like to....
14. People would be surprised to know: that it's not as easy as we make it look. Sometimes it hurts in every way.--Can you say mood swings?
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: that I want to go back to the old reality where I could eat whatever I want, I had the energy to do what I wanted to do and I was actually out there doing it all the time. There is an up side to this list and I will address it on my next blog post.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Have children and I am lucky to have the ones I do--My doctors said that if I tried for a fourth child: my husband might have to make the decision between me and the baby and they might lose both. We decided to be satisfied with 3 but really wanted 5--
17. The commercials about my illness: are never about MY illness. They are always about type 2 diabetes.--we just kinda get swept under the rug.--but I don't watch TV so I don't really pay attention...
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: eating without having the check and take insulin. Not have to respond to alarms all the time
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Snickers bars but that was inevitable if I want to keep my trim waistline anyway so I guess I don't miss giving that up...
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: ...Sewing, Cooking, running--well I was actually running when I was diagnosed but I haven't run in 15 years so I have taken it up again.--I cook because I need all natural food as artificial throws my glucose levels out of control.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I actually feel normal when I don't have to check -- although there is that insecurity that is linked with high or low blood sugars that I probably wouldn't have to deal with if I didn't have diabetes.
22. My illness has taught me: that I am not alone and that I can do anything I put my mind to--It has also taught me that I can't give up as long as I live--it hasn't beaten me yet even if I want to give up sometimes.
23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: Do you want some Celery or something like that when I am having a low blood sugar episode--it clues me in to how I haven't helped them find the right information about how to help me treat my blood sugars and I need to improve.
24. But I love it when people: still accept me and treat me like a normal person and thank me for the information I provide.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" the other one is: When life gets too hard to stand
KNEEL
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: that they aren't alone. And they'll be okay if they take care of it and get some support from friends and loved ones.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that I can live a normal life outside of taking care of my diabetes
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: visit and cheer me up
29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I am actually not involved with this because I just found out about it
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: ...like you might understand me a little better and not judge me harshly when I fall since everyone does....
Steph This one is for You
Dear Steph:
So I started reading your blog tonight or actually this morning and I just want to cry. You put all of your frustrations out there for the world to see and I just don't have the guts to do that but I feel the same way.
Anyone who wants to see how I feel sometimes should go here and check out Stephs blog because it is a really great look into the life of a Type 1 Diabetic. She calles her blog: my D Life...
If you want a support group, I think we should start one ourselves and get others that we know of to come. Then we can all hang out and have fun without the stigma of diabetes. We can also support each other in taking care of ourselves and share our strengths, weaknesses, despairs and triumphs.
I was always worried that you didn't like me or something for the way I acted at Wilderness Trek oh so long ago. We never kept in touch but that is a changeable thing with the information age. Email, Facebook, Twitter, etc, you name it, it is easier to keep in touch now than ever before. Why are we in contact? Why aren't I helping you face this? Why do you feel like you are facing it alone and that everyone thinks they know more about it than you do?
I would love to comment on your blog but I guess you will allow comments when you are ready. Thanks for letting me read it and I hope we can talk soon.
Chrystal
So I started reading your blog tonight or actually this morning and I just want to cry. You put all of your frustrations out there for the world to see and I just don't have the guts to do that but I feel the same way.
Anyone who wants to see how I feel sometimes should go here and check out Stephs blog because it is a really great look into the life of a Type 1 Diabetic. She calles her blog: my D Life...
If you want a support group, I think we should start one ourselves and get others that we know of to come. Then we can all hang out and have fun without the stigma of diabetes. We can also support each other in taking care of ourselves and share our strengths, weaknesses, despairs and triumphs.
I was always worried that you didn't like me or something for the way I acted at Wilderness Trek oh so long ago. We never kept in touch but that is a changeable thing with the information age. Email, Facebook, Twitter, etc, you name it, it is easier to keep in touch now than ever before. Why are we in contact? Why aren't I helping you face this? Why do you feel like you are facing it alone and that everyone thinks they know more about it than you do?
I would love to comment on your blog but I guess you will allow comments when you are ready. Thanks for letting me read it and I hope we can talk soon.
Chrystal
Sep 25, 2009
Drill Sargeant
At the end of July, I got a letter in the mail about a recall from my pump manufacturer of all of the infusion sets I have been using.
The issue was when there was rapid elevation change and the resulting change in air pressure would cause a malfunction in the vent of the infusion set. WHAT?!?
You mean Ragnar wasn't all my fault??!!??--Remember my Ragnar Relay post where I was having huge problems with my sugar levels while I was running that 188 mile relay race? Yes! It wasn't all my fault...
I didn't even know that the infusion sets had to have vents and hadn't even thought about how exactly my pump works. I guess that is another example of using technology that I have no idea how it works but I just know it does and there is someone out there smarter than me who thought of all this--amazing to say the least.
So apparently, when there was a change in air pressure the infusion set would malfunction and I would get more insulin than I input into the pump or I would get less insulin than I input--kinda sounds like I might just want to rethink the whole pump vs. multiple shot daily regimen because I think that would never happen with a shot.
The issue was when there was rapid elevation change and the resulting change in air pressure would cause a malfunction in the vent of the infusion set. WHAT?!?
You mean Ragnar wasn't all my fault??!!??--Remember my Ragnar Relay post where I was having huge problems with my sugar levels while I was running that 188 mile relay race? Yes! It wasn't all my fault...
I didn't even know that the infusion sets had to have vents and hadn't even thought about how exactly my pump works. I guess that is another example of using technology that I have no idea how it works but I just know it does and there is someone out there smarter than me who thought of all this--amazing to say the least.
So apparently, when there was a change in air pressure the infusion set would malfunction and I would get more insulin than I input into the pump or I would get less insulin than I input--kinda sounds like I might just want to rethink the whole pump vs. multiple shot daily regimen because I think that would never happen with a shot.
Aug 26, 2009
Time's Up
This morning my Glucose was 73 when I woke up. I had decided to run this morning and had gone so far as to ask my severely sleep deprived husband to kick me out of bed so I would.
He said to me this morning--"if you are going to go run, now would be a good time."
It was 6:45AM.--I guess that is what I can expect but since he did that for me, I ran on the treadmill for 15 min--actually 6 min straight because I had to warm up my bones.
They were screaming at me they wanted to be in bed still and I had wasted so much time getting ready to run I wasn't about to stop. I started about 7:45 and ended at 8:00AM. Then to stretch I did 1/2 of my 20 min Pilates video to stretch after the pounding my bones had taken.
And now what am I doing? On the computer at 10:00 AM---Where did the other 1 1 /2 hours go?
Just a look into the world of the lost time of a diabetic....How many hours do I actually lose?
He said to me this morning--"if you are going to go run, now would be a good time."
It was 6:45AM.--I guess that is what I can expect but since he did that for me, I ran on the treadmill for 15 min--actually 6 min straight because I had to warm up my bones.
They were screaming at me they wanted to be in bed still and I had wasted so much time getting ready to run I wasn't about to stop. I started about 7:45 and ended at 8:00AM. Then to stretch I did 1/2 of my 20 min Pilates video to stretch after the pounding my bones had taken.
And now what am I doing? On the computer at 10:00 AM---Where did the other 1 1 /2 hours go?
Just a look into the world of the lost time of a diabetic....How many hours do I actually lose?
Unexpected
So I am going along, writing posts that I think are necessary for education or information and am not hitting any chords with any readers; then I write a post that puts myself out in the open for all to see and bare the naked reality of my reaction to having diabetes and IT STRIKES A CHORD!
Sorry for the musical references here. I love music. Nuf' said about that subject.
So in the interest of readership: I will still give information but try to do it in a more personal way--I will be hanging out there in my naked reality for all to see and read. Please be kind and realize that we are all struggling with some incongruity to our physical, mental, social, spiritual beings. Some of us are struggling with all of the above and adding disease into it just makes the challenges just that more challenging to say the least.
For future posts, expect the unexpected and no more dry information posts, OK?
Sorry for the musical references here. I love music. Nuf' said about that subject.
So in the interest of readership: I will still give information but try to do it in a more personal way--I will be hanging out there in my naked reality for all to see and read. Please be kind and realize that we are all struggling with some incongruity to our physical, mental, social, spiritual beings. Some of us are struggling with all of the above and adding disease into it just makes the challenges just that more challenging to say the least.
For future posts, expect the unexpected and no more dry information posts, OK?
Aug 23, 2009
musings at 279
so here I go and actually share something I wrote in my journal 3 days ago. I keep it up almost as much as this blog--oh well.....
I am not diabetes. It is not who I am. I don't need to be afraid of telling people what my BG's are; but I am. I am afraid that showing anything other than perfection would cause people to hate me. I want to hide when my BG's are 279 like this morning and I am on a self-hate kick.
I wonder if people would accept me more if they knew what high and low BG's do to my moods, emotions, and reactions. I am convinced that people don't really like me. I am convinced that they would rather not have me around and wish that I would just go away.
Does this mean that I don't want myself around?; that I would rather that I go away?; that I don't like me?
Maybe I have it all wrong and not showing my imperfection separates me from others....
I am not diabetes. It is not who I am. I don't need to be afraid of telling people what my BG's are; but I am. I am afraid that showing anything other than perfection would cause people to hate me. I want to hide when my BG's are 279 like this morning and I am on a self-hate kick.
I wonder if people would accept me more if they knew what high and low BG's do to my moods, emotions, and reactions. I am convinced that people don't really like me. I am convinced that they would rather not have me around and wish that I would just go away.
Does this mean that I don't want myself around?; that I would rather that I go away?; that I don't like me?
Maybe I have it all wrong and not showing my imperfection separates me from others....
Jul 27, 2009
Taming the Dragon or Dancing with the Bear
When I have High blood glucose scores my husband calls dealing with me: Dancing with the Bear. He says it is like having a bear that is very cuddly and wants to dance one minute but cannot be sure when or if it is going to try to eat you. Last night I coined it Taming the Dragon and told my kids to call me a Dragon and to Check my sugar levels when I was being especially ornery, picky, or in high bad attitude form.
Bailey x 4 Asked a question on my last post about how I feel when my Sugar Levels are High. Thanks for the Comment by the way...
In answer to that question I could give all the usual answers that you are taught when you are first diagnosed like: extreme thirst, frequent bathroom calls, etc.
I am pretty sure that you are wondering about the nitty gritty stuff. The stuff that most diabetics have a hard time explaining.
One time I had a copy of a book that a wife wrote about her husband who was a Type 1 Diabetic, but in the intervening years, I have lost the copy. She told a gruesome story about his inability or complete disregard for his health and blood sugars, the kidney and liver failure and the amputation of limbs, and his general day to day struggle that involved her and their children. She described in detail about his mood swings going from loopy and eating to all out abusive because of the extreme anger episodes.
There were pictures in the book and I would be scared of this guy as he had to have weighed 250 lbs and was at least 6 ft tall. Can you even imagine someone that big getting angry and throwing things? Scary.
Ok so back to the subject of how do I know nitty gritty when I am high. One of my biggest clue ins if I haven't been paying attention to checking my sugars and taking insulin for the food I have been eating is Paranoia. That's right, you heard/read it correctly; I get paranoid when my sugar levels go above 200.
I want to run away.
I am afraid that everyone, especially the people I am closest too and love the most, are avoiding me, do not like me, are ignoring me and/or wish I would go away. I feel that I want to run away.
Anyone who knows me well and has been around me alot, would have a hard time believing this. Usually I am serious but fun when you get to know me and my sarcastic sense of humor, I seem to others at my funniest when I am being absolutely serious; at least that is the only time they laugh at what I say...Anyway: I am nice, fun, outgoing, friendly--the kind of person people like to be around and talk to.
However, when my sugars are over 200--I feel the opposite. I retreat from society in my mind and withdraw into myself to "protect myself"; I do paranoid things. You can take that how you want--. Something else that I do is react more stongly than I usually would. My anger is more angry and every negative emotion seems to be magnified. Strangely, every positive emotional response is minimized--I don't feel as excited or happy about things as I normally would. Unpredictability is the norm for high blood sugars. And the higher you go the more amplified the reaction. This is more of a worst case scenario situation.
Isn't brain chemistry interesting?!
When I get like that I need to be reminded that I am High and it will pass when my blood scores are back to normal. In an extreme case after I have treated the high my husband will tell me to go calm down somewhere by myself and come out when I am back to normal (no longer a dragon). Usually I will recognize the cause and effect of the problem and am able to mostly control myself because I understand the what’s and why’s of the irrational response.
A lot of the time, I just feel thirsty, or something internal reminds me I haven't checked or, haven’t taken any insulin in awhile and I have been eating. “Why didn't I take insulin for that huge piece of cake with the mile-high frosting on it?” I think to myself.
So when I check and the result is: you guessed it: 7million (ok less so, I’d likely be dead before I reached 1000) but I think you get the picture. All the while I am thinking: “Why, did I think I could eat that and not pay the consequences?”, “Oh man, my doctor is going to see this--agggghhhh!.
If I bite down on the response to get angry and contain the dragon, I am ok. I take insulin and wait for a couple of hours, drinking a few quarts of water, making numerous bathroom calls and my sugars come right down and I am relatively normal again.
Jul 22, 2009
False Hi's
Has this ever happened to you?
I am feeling Low. So I eat a banana; then I think: "Oh Crap! I didn't check my blood!
So I go check my blood. The result is 200 !
I think: What?!? and treat by giving myself insulin.
My husband sees what is happening and says, "Did you wash your hands?" (Did you know you need to wash your hands? They may have sugar on them from hugging your sticky kids, or something.)
Hello Synapse!!!!
So I wash my hands. Then I check my Blood. AAAGGGHHH--52 ...
Oh Crap: I just gave myself a GALLON of insulin!----Better get eating... and eating... and eating... (This is where eating the entire contents of the Fridge would come in handy).
And the moral of the story is: Always wash your hands before checking your blood.
I am feeling Low. So I eat a banana; then I think: "Oh Crap! I didn't check my blood!
So I go check my blood. The result is 200 !
I think: What?!? and treat by giving myself insulin.
My husband sees what is happening and says, "Did you wash your hands?" (Did you know you need to wash your hands? They may have sugar on them from hugging your sticky kids, or something.)
Hello Synapse!!!!
So I wash my hands. Then I check my Blood. AAAGGGHHH--52 ...
Oh Crap: I just gave myself a GALLON of insulin!----Better get eating... and eating... and eating... (This is where eating the entire contents of the Fridge would come in handy).
And the moral of the story is: Always wash your hands before checking your blood.
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